The Intimacy Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .

However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership go to this website to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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