The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and repercussions.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .

But when issues arise, those who fall into the great site Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that many of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" next For gay guys specifically in city areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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